


Flip a Coin

by sugarshakes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Ending, F/M, Gen, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Last Jedi, What if they actually talked about their feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-16 01:11:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13625400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarshakes/pseuds/sugarshakes
Summary: Heads, Rey gets the saber.Tails, Kylo does.An alternate ending for the throne room scene.And an alternate for the alternate.





	1. Heads

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhere in between ‘Choose your own adventure’ and ‘Pick your poison’.
> 
> I play with the timeline a little here, forgive me.

His hand reached out to her, his eyes begged her.

 

“Join me. Please.”

 

Her hand reached out, and he closed his eyes, so grateful…

 

The saber ignited as it landed firmly in her grasp. She recognized the betrayal in his eyes, she had seen it before through another’s eyes. Through Skywalker eyes.

 

“Do it,” Kylo hissed. The saber cast a blue glow over his face. His eyes burned into Rey’s, breaths coming quickly and heart still racing from the fight. “Finish it.”

  
  
Rey’s hands trembled, the weapon suddenly feeling so much heavier than it had moments before. 

  
  
Kylo’s expression softened. “Finish it.” He could feel her rejection deep in his gut. “You’ll be a hero, Rey. Everyone will love you, the world will be yours for the saving. You’ve grown so strong, you’ve fought so hard. You can do it. It’s alright.”

  
  
“You want to die?”   
  
“Only if it is by your hand.”

 

She stepped back, shoulders falling forward. It was she that held the weapon, but she appeared defeated. A tear ran softly down her cheek.  _ Everyone always leaves.  _ She wouldn’t let him abandon her, too.

 

“There has to be another way,” she cried, “Ben, I have seen it in you!” She had been so sure of the truth in her vision, of the light in him. “I do not expect you to be a jedi, or even  _ good _ for that matter… But perhaps, if we can find a way, if we can find--”

 

“Balance?” His voice cracked, just barely, as he finished her thought.

 

“That has always been what draws us together. Not Snoke. Balance.”

 

His dead master’s voice echoed in his head:  _ Darkness rises, and Light to meet it _ , and there was a truth in what she said. There was light in him, buried deep, that wanted to bathe in hers. His overwhelming darkness sensed the pulsing black spot inside her, wondering how to help it grow. It ebbed and flowed between them, but always in equal exchange.

 

He had felt it moments before, when they had fought the Praetorian Guards together. Not two pieces of one whole, that was the wrong cliche… but they were stronger together, of that he was sure. Partially because of the Force flowing between them, but also the primal need to  _ protect what is yours _ . Years ago, he had been taught to avoid such feelings, that they only led to weakness. He knew now that (as always) the Jedi had been so very, very wrong.

 

He would never be Ben Solo again, but he could be  _ hers _ .

Maybe that could be enough.

He stepped forward, bringing them close enough to touch once more.

 

“Rey, I can’t -- I won’t join the Resistance.”

“I know,” she said, “That’s not what I’m asking.”

 

He lifted his hands to meet hers on the saber. He moved so slowly, so gently. She let him cover her hands with his own, and he extinguished the blade. With the danger between them removed, he leaned down and pressed his lips gently to her forehead.

 

“Go, take Snoke’s shuttle. Save your friends.”  _ Save my mother.  _ “I will come to you, I promise.”

 

“Come with me. Please.”

 

“I have some things to take care of first.” He lifted his hand to hold her chin up so he could look into her eyes once more. “I promise you, Rey, I will come to you, and we will never be separated again.”

 

* * *

 

She is terrified as she watches the Resistance cruiser crash into the Supremacy.

 

_ No, he is alive, he is safe. _ She would feel it if he weren’t. She wasn't sure how she knew this, but she had never been more sure of anything.

 

* * *

 

Hux had entered the destroyed throne room not long after Rey had boarded Snoke’s shuttle. Kylo thanked the Maker that he had not arrived before she was able to escape. That would have complicated things.

 

“What happened,” Hux spat.

 

“The girl murdered Snoke,” Kylo lied.

 

“And the guards? On her own? You cannot expect me to be--” Hux’s words were cut short as his windpipe was squeezed shut.

 

“The girl murdered Snoke,” He repeated.

 

Kylo released the hold on Hux’s throat slightly. He needed him alive. For now.

 

“The Supreme Leader is dead.”

“Long live the Supreme Leader.”

 

* * *

 

He had to make it up as he went along, which was not his strength. When Kylo followed his impulses things usually ended up in pieces.

 

Still, he had a plan. Sort of.

 

He looked out from the command bridge of his shuttle, taking in the landscape of Crait. Not that there was much to take in. A seemingly endless salt plain, and a large door.  _ And a few AT-M6s... _

 

He had insisted that Hux leave the Superlaser Siege Cannon behind. 

_ “It’s a few dozen resistance fighters, do you really think it necessary?” _

He had to let him bring something, though. A couple AT-M6s, a few TIE fighters… Nothing he couldn’t handle when the time came.

 

As long as the time did come. He had always been confident in his Force abilities, but he worried now. Not because he thought himself incompetent, but because the stakes were so high.

 

Before leaving the Supremacy he had  _ suggested _ to some ‘troopers that they flick some switches that probably shouldn’t be flicked. Snoke’s dreadnought had already sustained heavy damages, so with a couple small fires started (not literal fires… alright, a few literal fires) the whole thing would be incapacitated. With any luck, it would implode.

 

If he’d had the chance to properly plan and strategize he may have been better able to time the whole coup. Given the circumstances, he was left hoping that everything would fall into place.

 

* * *

 

Rey laid flat on her stomach, peering over the cliff above the Resistance base. She could see his shuttle, wishing she could see him.  _ Soon. He promised. _ She bit her lip. He would not be the first to break a promise to her…  _ No. He will come to me. _

 

He had given her no instructions, no hints as to his plan. She had tried to find a way into the bunker, but the only way in as far as she could tell was the door below her. And it was shut.

 

Her faith in him was faltering with every minute that she sat, watching. Maybe she had been a fool. Maybe she should have killed him when she had the chance. She shudders at the thought. They had wounded each other before, fought with a complete ferocity, nothing held back… but it was different now. Now they were bonded.

 

She saw the TIE fighters too late, flying towards where she lay. They would spot her (perhaps they already had), and if not her then surely Snoke’s shuttle. Then they would come find her. She froze and tried to reach out through the Force to the air around her.  _ I am invisible, as white as salt, as cool as the ground. _ She had no idea if this would work, but she was out of options. The first fighter flew over her head and exploded.  _ I did  _ **_not_ ** _ mean to do that _ , she thought, but then the Millenium Falcon whooshed over her, firing at the remaining fighters.

 

* * *

 

The Millenium Falcon flew into view, and Kylo felt a stab in his chest.

 

“All fighters!” Hux ordered.

 

_ No, Rey may be aboard. _

 

“No,” Kylo shouted, “No one is to fire on that  _ piece of junk. _ ”

 

“But Supreme Leader, they are taking out our fighters, we must resp--”

 

Kylo really was growing tired of Force-choking Hux.

 

“That ship is rightfully mine and I want it intact _. _ ”

 

_ I want her intact. _

 

* * *

 

Rey knew it was only a matter of time before she was spotted again, so she ran back towards the shuttle and down, into a valley. There were creatures down there, small and fox-like with crystalline fur. They scurried around, and then she saw one slip through a large pile of boulders. She rushed towards it, and saw another squeeze through a gap in the rocks.

 

_ What if… _

 

She had to at least check. Rey closed her eyes, held her hand out before her, took a deep breath in and then opened them. The rocks floated up around her and she couldn’t help but smile. 

 

* * *

 

It was easier than he had expected, betraying the First Order. It wasn’t his first time turning coat, after all.

 

The message came through earlier than he had hoped.

 

“Supreme Leader, Commander, trouble on board the Supremacy.”

 

“What now,” Hux snarled. “Keep firing on those doors!”

 

The doors needed to hold for just 10 more minutes. That would be enough. It seemed he had succeeded. He hoped he was strong enough for what would come next.

 

“Bring me down. Keep the door covered, and don’t advance until I say.”

 

“Supreme Leader, is that wis--” Kylo didn’t even bother with his throat, throwing him against the wall of the command bridge.

 

* * *

 

Inside the Resistance outpost, hope was running low.

 

“There’s gotta be a way out of this mine.” Poe was not meant to go down like this. “There’s gotta be…”

 

A Vulptex came running out from a dark corridor behind him. 

 

_ The Vulptices. _

 

* * *

 

Kylo knelt down on the planet’s surface, leaving streaks of red beneath him. He had one shot at this, and it would take all of his power to do it. Moving piles of rocks was one thing, but shifting the earth beneath his feet… that was a challenge.

 

He placed his right hand firmly against the ground, reaching out to the planet, feeling it flow through and around him. Feeling all that was, all that had been, all of the death and all of the life. He could feel  _ her _ , her Force signature so familiar to him now… and there was Leia. He exhaled in relief. Reassured and refocused, he reached down into the earth beneath his feet, feeling around until he found the fault line and poured all of his power into it. 

 

Hux had wanted to take a position closer to the door, to have the full power of the AT-M6’s canons felt. Kylo had insisted on this spot. 

 

He reached within himself, to the places he didn’t let himself feel. 

 

_ Being sent away by his mother. Being left alone by his father. Being ridiculed and tormented by his uncle. Being tortured by Snoke. _

 

He poured it all into that fault line, until the earth opened up behind him. Kylo scrambled to his feet, putting as much distance between him and the fissure as he could.

 

He ran up the ramp, into his shuttle.

 

“WHAT ARE YOU DO--”

 

Kylo interrupted Hux for the last time, plunging his saber through his chest.

 

“What I should have done the first time I saw your snivelling face,” Kylo spits as he twists the saber.

 

* * *

 

Rey stepped cautiously into the mine shaft, following the gentle noise of the Vulptices.

 

There was a great rumbling, and the earth beneath her feet shook. She wondered what was happening out there, scared for her friends. Scared for  _ him. _

 

And then she heard a voice. Finn.

 

“Poe, where are you going? Leia, we have to stay, we have to fight!”

 

She turned the corner and she could have cried she was so relieved to see them.

 

“Rey!”

 

* * *

 

Killing the remaining men on board the shuttle had been easy, compared to the Praetorians.

 

Destruction and death were always the easy part. For so long he had believed that the only way forward was to leave his past behind. To kill it if he had to. To bury it deep and hide it behind a mask.

 

He saw now that he had been a coward.

 

It was time to be brave. It was time for balance.


	2. Tails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heads, Rey gets the saber.  
> Tails, Kylo does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still playing with the timeline as I please.  
> Still don't know where Luke is.

His hand reached out to her, his eyes begging her to give in, to join him.

 

“Join me. Please.”

 

Her hand reached out, the corners of his mouth lifted… but he saw her eyes flick over to the saber in his other hand and felt the tug of her mind, pulling at it. He was still stronger than her (for now).

 

“That is… disappointing,” he sighed, igniting the saber. He left it down, at his side. The weapon’s presence was a warning, not a threat.

 

“You are disappointing,” Rey hissed. Her eyes burned into Kylo’s, chest heaving and heart pounding from the fight. “If this is your choice just _do it_ . Finish this.”

 

_Let the past die. Kill it if you have to._

But she was not his past, she was his future. He had seen it.

  
  
“Finish it.” Rey sunk down to her knees, as she had been not long before. Once again she waited for a blow that would not come. “You’ll be supreme leader, everyone will fear you, the world will be yours for the taking. You’ve sacrificed so much, you’ve fought so hard. You can do it. It’s alright… but I want no part of it.”

  
  
“You want to die?”

  
  
“It’s just like you said, I’ve always been nobody.” Her words made him flinch. He never should have used her greatest insecurity that way, but he needed her to see, to understand. “Now I’ll be nothing.”

 

“NO,” he yelled. “No, you are _everything_ , why can’t you see that!”

 

He fell to the floor before her, equals, always equals. The saber was still clutched in his left hand, glowing, pulsing. His right hand came up to her face.

 

She flinched. She turned her face into his hand.

The push, the pull, they were always there.

 

“Ben, I can’t -- I won’t join the First Order.”

 

“I know,” he said, letting his thumb trace back and forth along her cheekbone lightly. “That’s not what I’m asking.”

 

“Save the fleet,” she whispered. “If you let them escape, I will stay with you… and we can find a way.”

 

“I can’t.” Her eyes fell. He lowered his hand, removing it from her face so that he could take her hand instead. “If I try to stop Hux the generals will turn on me. They follow their commander, not a Knight of Ren.”

 

“So… what do we do?”

 

Kylo looked around the destroyed throne room. What a mess they had made. Strategy had never been his strength, he was all impulse. _Just like my father._ The thought sent a streak of anguish through him. He gripped her hand more firmly.

 

“I see two options,” he answers, but his voice is unsure. “With your help I may be able to take control of the Supremacy. This is a risk, though, and will take too long to save your friends.”

 

Rey opened her mouth to ask what the second option was, when the ground lurched and shook beneath them. Kylo turned, trying to find the source of the disruption.

 

The Raddus had torn through the dreadnought. _There goes option #1_.

 

With the Supremacy so greatly damaged, Kylo would not be able to maintain control if the rest of the fleet resisted.

 

“What’s the second option?”

 

“We board Snoke’s shuttle. Now.”

 

* * *

 

“No.”

 

“Ben, we can’t stay on this shuttle. Even if it somehow isn’t full of trackers, it is too recognizable.”

 

She was right, and he knew it.

 

“Yes, so we will go and acquire a new ship,” he replied. He knew they didn’t have time for that, but he was too busy slamming mental doors on memories he _definitely_ didn’t have time for.

 

“We have a ship!” She rolled her eyes. “I told Chew--”

 

“I will not be going anywhere near that _piece of junk_.”

 

_Chewie would rip my head from my body if I tried,_ he thought. _I would deserve it._

 

* * *

 

Somehow Rey convinced Chewbacca not to decapitate him, but he still stayed as far from the wookiee as possible. _Which is not very far,_ he thought. _I swear this thing used to be bigger_ _._

 

They were headed for Crait. They had no plan.

He was going to see his mother.

 

* * *

 

Rey knew that being back on his father’s ship must have been surreal for Ben. Surreal and so, so painful. She had felt a rush of conflicted emotions fill his mind the second the Falcon had come into view. The only thing she could compare them to were her feelings for Jakku. It would always be where she had come from, but it would never be who she was. It would always be _abandonment_ and _loneliness_.

 

She had convinced Chewie to allow him on board in much the same way she had convinced Ben to come.

 

_“Han is gone, nothing can change that now. But we can still save Leia.”_

 

* * *

 

It was easier than he had expected, firing on the First Order. It wasn’t his first time turning coat, after all.

 

He sighed a breath of relief as they drew the TIE fighters away from the battle, thankful that he wasn’t the only one in the First Order who hated the Falcon.

 

He shoved a porg off of the controls and fired at the last fighter.

 

He wondered briefly if he had known the pilot.

 

* * *

 

Kylo and Rey lifted the boulders together, hand in hand. He felt the Force flowing between them, the light and dark within them at peace.

 

What remained of the Resistance emerged from the mine shaft and suddenly there were a dozen blasters pointed at his head, but he didn’t care because _mom._

 

Leia kept her distance, composed as ever.

 

_A mistake, this was a mistake. She’s the same she’s going to leave me behind she doesn’t care, only cares about them._

Rey squeezed his hand and her voice floated into his thoughts, interrupting his. _Ben, you made the right choice. It’s alright, it’s alright._

 

Leia looked her son in the eyes for the first time in _so, so long_ , and tears filled her eyes.

 

Rey saw Leia’s eyes drift down to where Ben’s hand clutched her own. She could swear she saw her smile.

 

“What are you all waiting for,” Leia asked, “onto the Falcon. Now.”

 

* * *

 

He does not become a Jedi, he does not join the Resistance.

She does not let the darkness consume her, she does not abandon her friends.

 

He cannot bring himself to ask his mother for her forgiveness, he does not feel he deserves it.

Leia forgives him, anyways. _“We failed you, Ben. All of us. Except her.”_

  
There are so many conversations, so many compromises, so many fights.

 

Finally, finally, they find it.

 

Balance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter, I know.
> 
> They were both supposed to be this length, but Heads got away from me.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me where Luke is, because I do not know ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Also, in my mind it's the porgs in the Falcon firing on the TIEs.


End file.
